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Perspective on having whooping cough

So what is it like when I have a coughing fit and my throat closes up? Yesterday as I finished off a lolly-pop I decided it would be fun to annoy my cat Tharsis for a bit by blowing air through the hollow plastic lolly-pop stick. Then I realised it is actually **EASIER** to breathe though this tiny tube than the first few breaths after a coughing fit. That's an opening of about 1.5 mm. And those are the coughing jags where I *don't* pass out. Fortunately they are starting to get a little less frequent now and it has been a few days now since I've passed out.

This scares me

OK. I'm sick. I have established that. Walking three kilometres is hard and my reactions are impaired. I'm also making stupid mistakes and just generally having a hard time thinking. OK, whatever, that's just being sick. But if I were out of shape and stupid my whole life would be like this. That's scary. There are armies of lazy-ass, stupid people out there like this everyday, diving their cars to work.

Stupid things you do

OK. I'm sick. Fine. I take a day off work to recuperate. Fine. I get a really good night's sleep, fine. I start feeling better, also fine. I decide to re-sew and re-hang all the curtains in my apartment - not fine. Stupid, in fact. I finished, I had to because my apartment is a studio with windows on three sides and ergo is a fish bowl without curtains, but now I am exhausted.

Note to self: when you take a day off to rest, rest, you stupid fuckhead!

Things that show up in the mail

We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success.

- Henry David Thoreau

I'm home from work, sick, thinking about direction and goals. I'm going to need to go with the flow for a while at least - I can't do anything without some money in my pocket.

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I do not feel good today

OK. Monday I just thought it was a hangover. Yesterday I was thinking, "Well, maybe I'm getting sick." Today I am thinking, "Fuck. I'm sick." Walking in to work was not fun. By the time I got here I was totally light-headed. I've been here for over an hour and I still feel wobbly. I think I may need to take a sick day tomorrow.

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