Big Excitement in Vernon Today

Despite the fact that I work in Vancouver, for incomprehensively stupid reasons I am on the "Vernon Office" e-mail distribution list. It tends to be a regular reminder of how much I don't want to work in Vernon (you may recall the "Island Party"). Today's big excitement was, and I quote:

Be aware of . . . Fellow laying on sidewalk, intoxicated, outside front doors in front of stores.

Clearly the end is nigh!