Institutions, Part Two

After my lovely government and bank boondoggle yesterday today's adventure in mediocrity was with the phone company. As with the bank I threw numerous individuals into utter confusion by requesting something just slightly unusal. The following are instructions for ordering a server DSL line associated with a residential phone line in a 93-year old building:

Step One: Walk into the flagship outlet for the phone company's services in their downtown office and order the phone line and get informed that because of some quirk with the suite, the residential hookup is going to require an installer to come out and will cost an extra $100. Whatever. No choice. After all, "We're the phone company and we can do whatever we want." If they told me it was going to be $500 I'd still have to do it. Go ahead and order the server DSL line and buy the modem. Get informed that the clerk cannot access the system to process the DSL order and will simply take down my information and enter it later. I am to be informed when this is done, probably the next day.

Step Two: Wait a week and hear nothing. Call customer service line and inquire about hookup. Discover that telephone line hookup is scheduled but DSL order has not been entered in the system. Order DSL service again.

Step Three: Two weeks later, phone technical support to find out what IP addresses I will be assigned. Get informed by idiot help-desk tech that I'll have to wait until I hook up the modem. Explain that I have ordered the server package with static IP addresses. Get told that IP addresses will be assigned by DHCP. Explain, no, they won't, and I have to inform a client of their new IP address to they can update A record in their DNS. Get offered the IP addresses of the residential service DNS servers. Thank idiot techie for his "help" and hang up.

Step Four: Phone service line for voice service and ask service rep same question. Get told DSL order is not in the system and she can't help me, that I will have to wait until I hook up and I will find out then. Explain, Uh. No. I need to know this now. Please escalate this call to someone who knows something. Go on hold for and listen to musak rendition of "Just Like Heaven."

Step Five: Ask third person for IP addresses. Get told my DSL order is not in the system. Explain that I have now ordered the same service twice already and proceed to order it for the third time. This requires a great deal of time on hold. Eventually service is ordered, but I can't get my IP address information right now. She'll call me back in a few minutes.

Step Six: Receive actual confirmation by e-mail that my account has been set up and go into website to ensure password is correct, and to see if perhaps I might be able to find out something useful like, oh, say, my IP address assignment.

Step Seven: Receive phone call that my IP address cannot be retreived right now and that "problem" has been escalated. Given trouble ticket number and another phone number to call on Monday. Oh, well. At least now I know my order has been entered into the system and I will have something to plug my server into, whatever my IP address turns out to be.

Step Eight: Bitch about it all in my blog and wait until Monday.

Step Nine: ???