Reptard Gives Up, Too

Looks like we both walked away at the same time. He wrote all of this before looking at my last public post. In fact he hasn't looked at any of my websites at all today (he did spend several hours browsing GothicBC last night though). Anyway, here is his latest:

From reptoid@h... Tue Apr 30 11:16:47 2002

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Subject: *** RIP ***

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From: "Purple Crow"

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Last night I was SO sad - today I just don't care - and it FEELS WONDERFUL!

:D

I have solved the problem of my "critics": They have already condemned

themself to life after life of distraction by material things, including

their bodies, and posession by fear of what others think of them.

Congradulations. They lack all sense of spiritual dignity and are shameful

of their ignorance about such matters, thus they lash out towards those whom

they feel are "on the true path", one that differs from theirs greatly. My

pain? Oh, I've shut it out, turned it off, unplugged the unessessary parts

of myself and let it die out... There's no need to care about the

ungrateful walking dead in this world. Life here is too short to care about

others who don't care about you. I now realise the IMPORTANCE of their

choice to be evil - they wish to die off because their pain is just too much

to bare. In this way they are doing the good job of weeding themselves off

the face of the Earth by their own hands - something people who CARE could

never bring themselves into doing. They have already judged themselves and

are behaving according to their own condemnation. They lie, slander, abuse

and hate others who they do not agree with - and in this way create their

own Karmic destiny. As time accellerates (2012) their Karma too

accellerates, and they are experiencing their OWN FEAR as they cannot run

from themselves. Why do we need to hold onto such evil? There is no need

to do so. It is their choice to ignore, abuse or hate. This is their free

will. I can respect that, even though I DO NOT understand that way of life.

*shrug* I no longer feel the need to hang on to that part of myself which

had been forgiving them, over and over, for their misdeeds - and now instead

I feel a certain numbness to their "plight". I feel a release of the energy

that I once had connected to them. That same part of myself has died off,

just as they wish to do. I no longer care about my critics or anyone who

refuses to hear me openly, honestly, with love. This is a PERSONAL choice

and I do not expect anyone else to follow where I am going. I have let a

part of myself go, and yeah, it was very painful, but now I am in a lot less

pain and feel more free than ever about not caring about others. It's a

very liberating sensation indeed. I have agreed to let them go from the end

of their rope in order to save myself, by their request. I watched them

fall into the pit, and that was a terrible thing to behold, but they are

gone now from my heart. I no longer feel the need to attempt to communicate

with or care about my critics, enemies or other ignorant idiots of the

world. This pain has been replaced with a very distinct cold feeling of

distain, mistrust and definite indifference towards those who dislike me, or

any of our research. I have no idea if anyone else has come to this

conclusion before or not - and quite frankly I just don't care if they have.

I have more love to share with those who appreciate me as I feel far less

affected by my former attempts to share with my critics anything of

spiritual value. Now my mind is filled with other images that I will not

speak of publicly. They feel VERY GOOD - almost refreshing to feel. I

guess it's like watching a ship sink knowing that I can't possibly save

everyone and have to only chose the ones who are reaching for my hand as I

hold it out. If they are not reaching for my hand and making a real effort

to communicate with me then I have closed my eyes to them no matter how loud

they scream about my "choice" to handle this my way. I am me, I am free.

This is *MY* choice to let them die - no one elses. I am not here to help

evil any further. I am here for *MY* people only and the rest are just

"useless eaters" as far as I am concerned. The world *IS* overpopulated,

and I don't care how this came to be or who was behind it. I'm not involved

at that level. I'm here, right now, and this is how I am handling things

from my end. I have already forgiven myself on this task or I would not be

able to do such a thing. That part of my heart is no more. I've had to let

it go or be dragged down with the rest of the dying souls of this planet.

Now whenever I think of my "critics" I see myself laughing in their faces as

they are wiped out by the coming disasters, wars, famines, floods,

plagues... And as I laugh I feel nothing other than a slight feeling of loss

as well as purification about this vision. I see this as the healing

process for the Earth. These terrible disasters MUST HAPPEN at any cost!

There is no other way to rid this planet from it's terrible infestation of

dark souls in *ALL* it's forms. I feel these beings will no longer be able

to reincarnate here. Humans and non-humans cannot handle the raising

vibrations and are in a frantic panic as to where to run to, but there *IS*

no where to run to. I have had to allow 1/3 of my heart to die in order to

safe what's left of myself, and in this process I see the same "battle in

heaven" as God allowed 1/3 of himself to go it's own way in order to save

what's left of himself, and thus this happens on EVERY LEVEL of the unknown

universe. As above, so below. This message is my notification that the old

"Purple" has left, and the "new" Purple is here to finish the job he came

here to do. I might play the part on occasion and pretend to be interested

in what my personal debunkers have to say, but in truth I care not for you

any longer, you are allready dead - by your own choices. Sure, I too

require the occasional outlet for spewing retaliation, that's why I've

created the "PurpleCrowCritics" group. I might drop by on occasion to slam

a few faces into the wall, p1ss down a few throats and do terrible things to

my critics, but it's not out of love and hope that they might learn

something from this deed - rather I will do this just to let off some steam

for MY OWN sake. They are but stones to walk on. I care not for them

spiritually. Once again, this is MY decision alone. Do NOT follow me if

this frightens you - there are lots of fluffy little New Age caves out there

for you to hide in, many books for you to read on the subject of spiritual

matters such as this... I have chosen my own path with my eyes WIDE OPEN.

I'm really looking forward to running into one of my critics face to face

now that I have this new improved feeling within me. I want to see how I

will behave around them. The walking dead are NOT alive to me - they do not

have the same "properties" as the living souls of light. Their vibration is

far less pleasant. I want to test myself and this new sensation which is SO

liberating and see what they look like with my new eyes. I have my

remaining 2/3 of "Heaven" and that's all that matters as this light cannot

ever be destroyed without my CONSENT, and I AM FAR FROM FINISHED YET, my

children. Trust me on that one. :D I have a whole NEW wing to fly on, a

whole new empty space to fill with love and light... Isn't life just

GRAND?! :D Good-bye, critics... Hello new world! We are here, right now,

and that's all that matters. Any one want to go for a "walk"? ;)

(chanting something which must be censored for legal reasons)

http://geocities.com/Reptoid_29/Music.html
mean... "Rip"!

Love,

Reptoid.

---------

~~~~]xxx[:>~

Previous night's contemplations on this matter:

There is one thought on my mind right now... "This world and it's people are

turning me into something that I am not - and I don't like it one bit." My

*TRUST* has been completely shot! I have no trust left - or very little

anyway, not enough to lead a reasonably "free" life. I feel little to no

love for my "Critics" any longer, which is starting to frighten me. I used

to always feel a little something for them even when I was playing the game

of "reaction" with them, but now... Nothing. All I can think about is how

nice it would be for them to "go away" and never come back to this world or

any world for that matter. I NEVER used to think like this without being

able to pull upon SOME amount of sympathy for them. Now all I get are

visions about them that I do not like to talk about. I feel nothing for

them that is positive. Nothing. And yet, "damage control" seems to "sense"

that nothing is wrong with my heart on this matter. (I have a very confused

look on my face here) I know I have changed somehow recently, and I am

still "getting used to" this I guess. It feels strange to not love even my

"critics" right now. It's strangely disturbing and cold feeling. It was a

subtle shift, but I sure noticed it recently! I feel like a part of me has

decided something... I can't explain this well enough for my own liking,

but, something has changed about my heart. I also feel slightly liberated

as I no longer feel the need to "care" about many people in the world, which

is...... so very strange for me. I feel less responsible for my actions

towards people who attack me now - This is very odd. Feels like a part of

me has died in a way, or perhaps it's just awakened to the truth about loss.

Perhaps not everyone is going to be saved from themselves and I've just

realised that some people just don't want to be kind in any way, because

it's just IMPOSSIBLE for them to do so, as they are just not of that

frequency. (My frequency) This is too new still... I am at a loss as to

what to do about this as I am sorrounded by people of all kinds whom I

cannot trust and I no longer know how I will react to them from this point

onwards. I'm tired of watching my back everywhere I go. I'm so tired of

being hurt by you critics. Why does it hurt so very much? Because you

decided to hurt me without provocation on my part. I have done everything

in my power to be kind, considerate and compassionate and you just keep

digging your blades in deeper and deeper until you make me SNAP in anger

against my true will. Does it make you proud to have your heart turn off

and die so that you can accomplish this evil trick? How does it feel, when

you heart grows cold? What's it like not to care anymore about anything

important? What's it like not to care about the people around you other

than on some superficial level? I can't tell you... yet... but I might be

learning this about you right now - to share this feeling with your kind, so

I can learn from your experience by BEING just like you. I still have some

life in me, but I don't like who I'm becoming in defense of myself. I don't

like to have to constantly defend myself against such callouse ignorance and

fear based attacks against myself or my many friends whom you have also hurt

- DEEPLY! Tell me how I should feel? What kind of a world, during this

time of great change on a cosmic scale, would go on hurting random people

"just because it's fun"? I've read all your comments about hos much

pleasure you derive from hurting me in any way you can, especially the

"Van-Goth" group. The gap between the caring and the walking dead is SO

vast right now - it's killing me to be here, and to be trapped by the

constraints of this frail body, which is not the real "me". No, I am still

not used to this form, as some of you can probably tell. It's more an

emotional thing than a physical one really. I am ashamed of my human form,

and this "race" called "Human". When I look in the mirror all I see is the

bloody trail and history of a race who has killed millions of people out of

fear of the unknown - the undiscovered country. Every last remaining Native

culture in this world is all but wipped out... broken and dead or dying.

This is NOT who I am, but my reflection is one which is slowly becoming this

way - heartless and cold. I have been cornered and have become overly

defensive against my "critics" as they continue to coldly tear me to shreds

with such pleasure - I am ashamed of my species. I do not wish to live

another day as this monster called, "Human". I remember things about my

race that are so wonderful that it PHYSICALLY *HURTS* to visualize these

things without feeling terrible pain from the sheer LONGING to be back home

once again, and yet these visions are so very vague. Paradoxes exists side

by side. I am neither one thing or another right now - I am between worlds.

What I know about my race, is not what you think you know about the

Reptilians you think you are witnessing here on Earth right now, that is for

sure. Either the Reptilians of this world are getting only HALF the

coverage they need to come out of the closet, or there are definately more

than ONE race of them around these parts, which I strongly believe is the

case here. And considering the reactions of my "human" associates over the

last 3-4 years of "subculture" fame... *sigh* There's not much hope at all

for them OR humans right now actually. GOD! Please don't let me die here

alone! Not like this, not with these people in this human cage! I am

disgusted by this form and it's history. I have done everything in my power

to REACH OUT to all of you, and so very few whom I've touched have responded

positively. I know that it's far more easy to destroy than to build, and I

also realise that the number of hate mails verses the number of love mails

do not reflect the silent ones on my lists, who more likely than not are

closer to love than hate when they think of me or hear my name, but... It's

just not enough for me. I can't walk down the street and feel this love

without seeing it daily, as often as I can, just to attempt to balance this

fear and hatered out from my mind which so many others have planted there

against my will or consent. I feel no love from those who look at me as I

walk down the dead city streets, day or night. Yes, I *NEED* love in order

to survive this world, is that such a terrible thing to desire? I have

often found that the younger generation makes more sense as they are still

not brainwashed by conventional "thought" - but that is considered "risky"

to even admit these days. I have some hope for the Indigo children of this

world, but I know that many of them won't be able to cope with this world

any better than I do. (Just barely at times) I am just a survivor. This

is not the culture to which I had intended to live in at all. My culture is

one of true compassion and consideration of others - not this decrepid hell

hole with all it's minions of evil. My culture is one where we can express

our dreams, visions and ideas, strange or not, idealistic or not... One

where we all can be HEARD, respected and often loved for being the wonderful

energy to which we all are. Where we can share our differences, move on to

form our OWN circles and realize that all "strangers" are just our distant

cousins, and not desire the need to "merge" with them, change them, or make

them ONE with ourselves anymore, for they are free to be themselves just as

we are free to be ourselves, in our own completely unique ways of

non-interference. This is NOT what being human is about anymore. It's

about confusion, war, fighting and defense - CONTINUOUS defense from

darkness to the point of constant frustration and trauma to my psyche. I'm

still strong, very strong, but I would much rather have this another way.

*sigh* Perhaps I have decided to allow myself to become weary, to reflect

upon these recent events over the past year and to make some deeply personal

decisions. As many of you already know, I'd gladly leave this planet if the

opportunity arose in the form of a "ride" out of here - with almost ANYONE

who would be so kind as to give me the chance to prove myself to them that I

mean the very best of pure intent with whomever I deal with. And yes, I

know, that highly disturbs you, doesn't it? That one of your "own" would

say this to your face... I know that many of you have shared this same

feeling with me privately and I am always attempting to remember who I might

take with me if the chance arose... but... I can't wait around for this

"ride" on contact day for much longer. I would rather die with honor than

slowly change into another human monster, like so many of you out there. I

don't mean those of you who ARE making a real sacrifice for all of us who

care deeply about the Earth, I mean thoe of you who just don't care anymore.

You frighten me. I never want to become one of you, but I feel myself

changing now. I'm slowly losing that part of myself and now I am becoming

scared of myself. I have no choice left. I am still considering my options

at this point, but well, let me put it this way... If I had a choice between

staying here, having to deal with another day with my critics hate mail

postings, having to fight the "NWO" crap as a rag-tag team of global

researchers who often don't trust each other in the first place when it

comes to ALL of the truth, not just a chosen segment of it - and my other

options, whatever they might be, including leaving the Earth with or without

my body, I have already chosen the latter. As long as it's quick, I just

don't care to stay here unless I have to - whatever tha means. Life as a

human on Earth is the saddest thing possibly imaginable for me - this is why

I have never wanted children and will continue to avoid this at any cost. I

do not desire to be the perpetuator of this species any more than it has

already done, with or without any external manipulation by strnge alien

entities or whatever your paradigm. All this terrible pain so many of you

have put me through will come back to haunt you, one way or the other,

perhaps sooner than you think, and I truly would not want to be "you" right

now if you have ever been cruel, unkind, spiteful, unjust, unfair, heartless

or negative towards myself or my friends. I don't care what you have chosen

to believe in, blindness does not grant you any immunity to what is to come

your way, and mine. We all go through the same tunnel of light in the end.

Human or Reptilian.. It makes no difference to me who you think you are

right now - I KNOW where you came from. Ignorance about the truth of Near

Death Experiences does not protect you from this reality any more than a

blindfold can protect you from the traffic as tyou cross the street. Such

horror and torment awaits those who have this heartless energy within them

right now. (and I cry for you as well as myself and my inability to reach

you now) There's no time to change your minds either. These lines I feel

have already been drawn. You know who you are, or you do not... It's that

simple. Are you truly in touch with your heart? I am - and she bleeds so

profusely that I have become scared for my own sanity and survival. I can

imagine this makes many of you laugh at me. Laugh as I lay on the ground,

bleeding to death. There's one thing you must remember though if I depart

this world: I KNOW where I am going... because I KNOW what I have done in

this world as I have reviewed my life every year like clockwork and

consciously CHOOSE to do better and better, to come out of the "cosmic

closet" more and more, even at the risk of my OWN LIFE, just to reach a few

like minded people (ET incarnates) who came here with me once upon a time

from elsewhere, long ago, to share our dreams with your people, to remind

you of who you really are - inside. Our visions have been told to the

Shaman of your world long ago, many worlds over. Some have heard us -

others have not. Each world on and in the Earth dies and is reborn to

repeat the same lessons over and over and over. *sigh* Like a perpetual

time loop, this world is a skipping record. Now, I might be a fan of noise

art, but this track is even getting to ME. Earth 101 sux. I knew this

before I came here, and I had all but forgotten this "path" until a series

of events had reminded me of my work here and what I had originally chosen

to achieve with my OWN life. I am still on that path right now and have

strayed from it only a few times, which is a lot more than I can say for

many critics out there, reading this posting right now. True will and

"power" are never the same thing. Power, lies, manipulation, slander,

threats... this is true evil - it's not Bin Laden, that made up scape-goat

in some far off country... It's YOU! You are the evil in this world, dear

critic, with your hate... Your dead heart that no longer beats in your

chest. Who killed your spirit? Did you let something inside you that hurt

you? Did someone betray your trust once, long ago? Have you forgotten your

younger days when all this took place? Is your love strong enough to HEAL

YOURSELVES? Healing doesn't work unless you remember these things. I have

always desired the magick of the worlds greatest magi, and desired to simply

touch each and every one of you on the forehead - just to awaken the sleeper

within to full awareness, but I am not allowed to do so. Believe me, I

complain about this almost every night when I pray for release from this

shell, and I'll bet God is quite ready to either take me off this planet or

allow me to have this wish granted as I too must sound like a skipping

record by now after all these years living here. So many of you have

angered me so much, I have lost count. My anger isn't so much "against" you

but angry with myself for being unable to *reach* you no matter what

"technique" I use inorder to do so! I am doing everything in my power to

reach each and every one of you in the best way I know how to do so within

the time allowed to me and under these stressful survival conditions. Most

of you have an Earth family to turn to in times of stress, fear or sadness -

I do not have this "luxury". I live alone, in isolation. I don't get to

touch my friends that often. All this lonliness and I am still able to LOVE

others. Why is that, do you wonder? Perhaps I have learned to appreciate

what little I have and cherish life more than most. I am a vegetarian for

this same reason. Why kill if I don't have to? I have spent time in deep

trance ritual on my own in communion with the Earth herself, and when I came

crashing out of this sharing with her I sobbed something awful for days, and

even had to take time off my previous schedule in order to wait for the

tears to slow down days later. She's in such great pain and stress, I just

can't bare to be a part of her suffering. I beg you to never go to visit

her heart alone right now without a "spotter" to hold you as you come back

from your visit with her. It's just too powerful for people to handle. If

you want to hear her speak to you on this level, just read the crop circles

(pictograms) in the fields - she speaks through the golden lights who create

them for her. How do I know this? She told me herself, through my

intuition. Why do I believe my intuition to be so powerful? Proof of my

research through my own synchronicity. I'm not stupid - I have followed my

intuition and have saved myself more than once by doing so. By not getting

into the car which soon crashed on the hillside, not taking someone up on an

offer to visit them just before they lost all sense of stability and hurt

someone terribly, or going to sit right next to someone just because my

intuition said, "sit there, Purple...", later to have one of the most

wonderful people in my life once again. :) And right now it is only my

dear friends and close "special one" who are keeping me here in this

dimension. I have become a ghost who wills himself to leave, but cannot do

so out of unfinished Karma due to those who love me. And, yes, there are

many of you. I suppose I could be a lot less well off in that department.

I'm deathly poor, yes, but as for love in my life, I have more than most

people do - there is no doubt about this at all. *hugs to my friends and

partner* My dear sweet Mistress is someone WORTH focussing on, not my

"critics". I have friends, LOTS OF THEM, and they are WORTH focusing on.

There is also no doubt about my non-human energy patterns, what you also

might call, my "alien heart" - Do you really think that a warrior doesn't

know what a heart is? What does a warrior protect but the love of his own

people. No matter how many people I meet and get along with, my heart still

belongs to another race, another side or life/dimensionality where light is

far less dense. It's impossible to explain... And you probably do not

believe me anyway, why would you? What a bunch of nonsense, right? Heh.

Pretty stupid for someone to go around wasting their life dreaming about

some strange alien Reptilian race, isn't it? You know, if it wasn't for my

encounters LONG ago, I'd probably just be a musician, playing my guitar in

some band, or perhaps more than likely a synthesizer project of some sort

anyway... I'm still that same artist you know. I'm still here, right in

front of you - just as broken hearted as the next lonely musician. Do you

honestly believe that a warrior from afar wouldn't know what a heart was

for? Why do you think I came here? A vacation? Believe me there are FAR

better places in the universe of infinite possibillity than this

god-for-saken burg! It hurts to have come so far along the timelines to be

ridiculed, abandoned and wasting my time on closed minds. Oh yeah, you can

try to deny my feelings, but believe me, folks, these are VERY REAL FEELINGS

that I am feeling right now when I think of you. These tears are real

enough to place into a vile and mail to you to run DNA tests on to see if

it's really a piece of me that you have extracted from my innermost soul.

Yes, they are real, in every regard, dear critic. Do you like to imagine my

tears rolling down my face? Does that make you feel good about yourself?

Are you proud to have hurt someone so deeply? Is this another badge for you

to show others, to be proud of, like a kill trophy? Yes, I'm different than

you, is that a crime? Is that reson enough to hurt another person? Should

I do the same to you when you least expect it some time soon? Or perhaps to

one of your family members or friends then? Have I ever hurt you by being

myself, by creating my own lousy little free website which you read, exploit

and judge? All that work I have done under such extreme conditions of

survival and all you can do is laugh at me, and threaten my very physical

form? And you wonder why I am writing these words right now, do you?

Something to mock you with even further - correct? Are you truly that

paranoid about my research then? Truly? This letter is *NOT* part of the

game, this happens outside the board. This is just me. I am the one you

have forgotten about long ago. I am heart... or at least what's left of one

after most of you have had a few stabs at her... and I am ready to leave

once again... I do not wish to die alone, but it's better than having to

live like this. I will await my chance to depart when the time is right for

me, even though I don't want to wait for it. Until that time I will hide

myself, my TRUE self way deep down inside... This is my inner sanctuary of

the soul, where no one ever sees me. I guess some see me once in a while,

but they were the rare ones to witness the deepest part of me and were

forever changed. Their opinions shifted so much afterwards that their

friends asked them what had "happened" after they spent this time with me,

and they just could not answer their friends with any accuracy of

description. I have my moments of clarity when my higher self steps in, but

as I feel what he too feels along with what my mind feels in this dimension,

I instantly begin to sob uncontrollably to which when my eyes pearce the

eyes of another, they too loose themselves in that moment and share with me

something that no words can describe. I have many aspects to myself, and

that is one part that I hide the most - my spiritual sadness for the world

that I must endure. Before I leave once again and retreat deep inside

myself in order to survive this world and it's nighmares, this world and

it's dreams, I shall cry until I've run out of tears and pain, until it no

longer hurts to be open minded, honest, pure and good... Where it's OK to

*BE MYSELF* and seek my OWN path this lifetime. I will ask God to help me

heal my deep wounds once again, as He always does. Once I feel cleansed

again in the love that I know exists on SOME level, somewhere near me right

now... (not way up there in some "Heaven") then I shall gather myself enough

of His light light in order to feel refreshed, free and relaxed about my

path and purpose once again before I return to Him someday soon, and then I

shall SHIFT myself in form, close myself off from being so telepathic that

it hurts, thus protecting myself with my warrior's golden shield in order to

take one more deep breath in, before I must submerge myself once again into

the thick watery dream world of being "Human". ...then I shall seek the

exit door from this dimension once again - until I find it...

"I know that there's a reason why I need to be alone, to show me there's a

silent place that I can call my own. Is it mine? OH LORD is it mine? - If

only I could find a way to feel your sweetness through that day, the love

that shines around me could be MINE! So give us an answer won't you? We

know what we have to do... There must be a thousand voices trying to get

through..."

Love,

Purple "Reptoid" Crow.

-------------------------

~~~~]xxx[:>~

http://www.vcn.bc.ca/~aurora27

"An enigma wrapped in a riddle, with a tail in the middle." Purple Crow

"The smart way to keep people passive and obedient is to strictly limit the

spectrum of acceptable opinion, but allow very lively debate within that

spectrum - even encourage the more critical and dissident views. That gives

people the sense that there's free thinking going on, while all the time the

presuppositions of the system are being reinforced by the limits put on the

range of the debate." - Noam Chomsky.

"Knowledge is strength, ignorance does not grant you any immunity." Purple

Crow

"Be the change that you want to see in the world." (B.K. Gandhi)

"Hey hey hey, I've got nothing to use.

Hey hey hey, I've got nothing to loose.

Hey hey hey, I've got something for you.

I’ve got something for YOU."

******* "RIP" - Gary Numan *******

http://geocities.com/Reptoid_29/Music.html
mean... "Rip"!

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