Survey SAYS!...

(Just so long as Richard Dawson doesn't try to kiss me)

1. How tall are you?

185 cm

2. Do you have a big nose?

I must. I'm always getting it stuck in other people's business.

3. Do you have a funny looking bottom?

Dunno about funny, but intelligent for sure. People are always saying I'm a smart-ass.

4. How often do you shave?

Other than one brief experiment with facial topiary, at least once a day since I was 10.

5. Do you like canned beets?

Damn. It's been a while. Yeah, love 'em. I'll have to get some next time I go shopping.

6. What is your mother's name?

Joséphine

7. What do you call your mother?

Mom

8. Do you enjoy having siblings?

Yeah. I was the youngest. I fobbed all the chores off on them.

9. Where would you bury a body?

In a graveyard. (Yeah, I know I am supposed to assume I killed the person, but I'm not going to do that because I am a smart-ass!)

10. If you could pick a particular person to bury, who would that be?

I had free reign to kill one person with no consequences I think I'd go for maximum shock value - how about Oprah? Trailer parks across America would reel in horror...

11. What is your favorite brand of cigarettes?

Don't smoke enough to have a favourite yet. But cigars, yes. Macanudo Petit Corona Café.

12. If you don't smoke, what is your favorite brand of, um, socks?

The black bulk ones you buy can anywhere cheap like Saan or Zellers..

13. If you had a guinea pig, what would you name it?

Cat Food

14. Can you recite any lines from the movie Ghostbusters?

"I've been slimed" "I like a girl that sleeps on top of the covers, but four feet above the covers...?" "Damnit, Ray" "Don't think of anything!" and, of course, "I am the gatekeeper. Are you the keymaster?"

15. What is your favourite kind of keyboard?

The one on my 1930's Underwood Standard typewriter. I'm no musician!

16. What celebrity does your perfect mate resemble?

Winona Ryder. Damn she's cute.

17. What band are you ashamed to admit you love?

Not really ashamed of what I like. But I have been known to enjoy the shock value I can get from admitting I like Lynyrd Skynyrd or CCR.

18. Do you have hair that grows in funny places?

More and more so since I hit my thirty-somethings...

19. Do you own any vinyl clothing?

Just a pair of pants.

20. Do you own any para-military gear?

No, but I have some genuine military gear left over from actually having been in the army.

21. Do you own a firearm, and if so, what kind?

No, but my arm has been on fire before. More than once, oddly enough.

22. How many piercings do you have?

None! I decided in 1982 when it became overly fashionable for guys get one ear pierced that I wasn't going to get anything pierced, ever.

23. How many tattoos?

Again, none. Never could decide on anything I'd still want to see when I was 102. And just as well because anywhere I might have put it has sprouted hair now!

24. Are you religious?

Nope. I wouldn't even go so far as to call myself "spiritual". I prefer to think.

25. Do you belong to any Albanian organizations whatsoever?

Al your banians belong to us.

26. What music do you prefer to hump like rabid minks to?

In a rabid mink humping type situation, the background music really doesn't enter into it.

27. Do you speak Swahili?

"Shaka Zulu" "b'wana" um... that's about it.

28. What country would you dominate and oppress?

The United States of America. They are the only ones who really deserve it.

29. Do you wear make-up?

Yeah. So? Whadda you gonna do about it?

30. In your opinion, what sexual position goes best with polka?

That depends on whether you mean while listening to polka, or dancing a polka. Because if you mean dancing then that would require some serious tantric manoeuvering...

31. What is your favourite beer?

32. Liquor?

Bombay Sapphire gin.

33. What can you do with your tongue?

Assist my teeth in the mastication of food.

34. Speaking of tongues...If you were to be paid 10 million american dollars to stick your tongue up a penguin's unclean ass on live television, would you do it?

In a heartbeat. I could afford the antibiotics afterwards.

35. Are you a good shot?

Actually, not bad. I've killed my own dinner on occasion.

36. How are you with sharp, pointy objects?

The best way to get the bayonet out of someone's ribs is to fire the rifle...

37. Are you satisfied with your physical appearance?

Yeah, pretty much.

38. What song is in your head right now?

Damn that "bands you are ashamed of" question - "Bad Moon Rising" - CCR.

39. What colour do you hate?

I don't hate any particular colour. There are certain things that shouldn't be certain colours: orange clothes on white people, white cars, lime green text on a webpage, any pastel colours on bathroom ceramics, and bright neon colours on shoes, etc...

40. Are you a cracker?

Wondering WTF this question means I pulled out my trusty dictionary... I am not thin crisp wafer or biscuit. I am not a native inhabitant of Georgia or Florida. I am not white trash.

41. What are your ethnic origins?

Belgian (Flemish/Spanish) and Ukrainian.

42. If you could pick any other language to speak right now, what would it be?

Right now, Spanish.

43. Would you go to Antarctica?

Hell, yeah, I want to. Seriously.

44. Whom would you most like to see undergo a painful decompression?

Ricky Martin.

45. Have you ever seen a dead body?

Yeah.

46. Would you like to pee?

Now? Nah. Maybe later.

47. Would you eat people if you were starving?

Assuming absolutely no other recourse, yes.

48. Would you kill them to eat them?

No.

49. Would you sacrifice yourself so that your friends and/or loved ones could live?

The assumption here being that I have friends and/or loved ones ... but, yeah, I would.

50. Why did you even bother to fill this out?

Evilyn did it. I am a lemming. leap!

Oringinal post: http://mbarrick.livejournal.com/7974.html