Being left out, ignored, under- or un- valued, these are the worst things for me, And the more it happens the less I feel I have anything to offer. So I withdraw. And then people forget I am even here. And it spirals down.
Making matters worse, I decline or ignore invitations because I feel like I am just going to wander though like a desperate charity-case, out of place and irrelevant. I am broke, alone, everything I've worked on for the past twenty years has come to nothing. I can't imagine anything I can bring to the table for anyone, including myself. Other photographers have replaced me at events, even the gallery called in someone else to reshoot my second-rate efforts documenting the last show. My other artwork never got any traction, no one cares for it. What I see and how I see it resonates with no one. Gothic BC is a ghost site. I am an utter failure that nobody really gives a fuck about. There is nothing I do that someone else couldn't step in and do better. Second-rate at everything, Trying to hold on is just an impediment to the better life of everyone, especially Elaine, can have without me in the way.